Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Rejection rejected

Here is a real rejection of a rejection:

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful
consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept
your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your
department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an
unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied
and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept
all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous
experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does
not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the
position of assistant professor in your department this August.
I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Cafe Scientifique in the Boston Globe...front page

Although this story talks about nerds as if they are another species, it mentions Cafe Scientifique, so I am pasting the whole thing.

At some local nightspots, nerds rule
Intellectual city's bars and restaurants cash in with slideshows, trivia contests
By Jenn Abelson, Globe Staff | April 18, 2005

It may be the jocks who have made headlines for Boston, with their World Series triumph and talk of a Super Bowl dynasty.

But nerds are the real lifeblood of this city.

''There are so many nerds in Boston," said Chris Balakrishnan, a postdoctoral fellow in biology at Harvard University who organizes monthly Nerd Nite gatherings for like-minded, well, nerds. ''It's just remarkable."

Bar and restaurant owners are getting wise to nerd power and the fact that geeks pay. Across the city, venues have opened their doors for events such as Nerd Nite and reaped the financial benefits of a city population that, thanks to numerous universities, will never suffer a drought of studious overachievers.

The nerds have brought thousands of dollars on nights when business was generally slow. Nerd Nite, which initially was held on Wednesdays, became so popular during the last year that the owners of the Midway Cafe in Jamaica Plain agreed to let the nerds take over coveted Friday nights and fill the stage usually reserved for bands with their laptops and slideshow presentations.

The nerds bring the friends they never had in high school and lure strangers curious about topics such as the dog-faced fruit bats of Southeast Asia. They debate the etymology of nerd and geek and suggestions for proper usage.

The term nerd, which first appeared in 1950 in Dr. Seuss's book, ''If I Ran the Zoo," now applies to anyone who is very bright but socially inept, according to Jim Burrows, a Maynard technical operations manager and self-described nerd who has researched the word for the past 10 years.

Chris Cakebread, an advertising professor at Boston University, estimated that Boston, with all its universities and high-tech companies, probably ranks among the five nerdiest cities in the country. He said businesses are smart to provide places for these sophisticated intellectuals to gather.

''It's a good crowd to tap into," Cakebread said. ''Nobody's really marketing to them, and it's kind of like the gay and lesbian community coming out of the closet a decade ago in Boston. It's OK to have a pocket protector."

The nerds can get rowdy, in their own way. Before the projector flicked on a recent Friday's Nerd Nite, the beer-swigging audience began to chant: ''Nerds, nerds, nerds." When Boston University graduate student Heidi Fisher launched into her slideshow presentation on how humic acid impacts the sex lives of swordtail fish, she was periodically interrupted by hecklers shouting: ''Show us the DNA!"

At Midway Cafe, the nerds sell out Friday nights, and the small bar doesn't have to compete with the leather jackets and baseball hats watching the Red Sox next door at Doyle's Cafe. Plus, the geeks come prepared.

''The nerds never ask if there's a cash machine," said Dave Balerna, co-owner of Midway Cafe. ''And I don't have to worry about a nerd acting up while someone is giving a talk about clams having sex."

Even trivia nights, which have sprung up across the city to attract customers on slow weekdays, are landing prime Saturday-night spots. Apparently, no night is too good to show off some smarts.

At Pizzeria Uno in Porter Square, manager Paul Tupa recently began holding Saturday-night trivia games, which rake in an extra $1,500 per night.

More than 10 teams crowded the bar on a recent Saturday, sipping Sam Adams beer, feasting on chicken thumbs, and scribbling answers to questions such as: ''Name all four railroad properties in Monopoly" (the Reading, B&O, Pennsylvania, and Short Line).

Quiz master Michael O'Neill, who hosts three trivia nights a week, also doubled as the DJ, spinning nerd-friendly tunes, anthems of the rejected with such lyrics as ''I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?" and ''Why do you build me up, Buttercup, baby, just to let me down?"

Several teams said they never would have come to Pizzeria Uno if not for the trivia.

''Not only are we nerds," said Jason Wildhagen, 27, a member of the winning trivia team for four weeks straight, ''but we are also bar snobs."

Patrick Lee, owner of the Redline Cafe in Harvard Square, said he believes that the success of trivia nights helped spawn other gatherings, such as Nerd Nite at his restaurant, Cafe Scientifique. On Tuesday, more than 40 people crowded into a back room at the Redline to hear Max Tegmark, a physics professor at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, lead a discussion about ''Cosmology and the Meaning of Life."

Tegmark featured his slideshow presentation on a white tablecloth draped over a partition, with topics ranging from dark energy to the future of the universe. People filled the cushioned chairs, couches, and even squatted on the floor for the two-hour discussion.

When Tegmark paused for a five-minute break, one man shouted, ''We don't have time for a break."

But Eugenie Reich, a features editor for New Scientist magazine, gently insisted. ''We only get this bar for all the money we spend on drinks," she said.

The man, Dennis Livingston, quietly conceded.

''We need like five hours," said Livingston, a gray-haired cabaret songwriter from Brookline. ''I mean, you can get this all on Channel 2, but this is more fun."

Jenn Abelson can be reached at abelson@globe.com.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Remote control me baby

If you have ever wondered what it is like to be in someone else's shoes, here is a fun game you can play that will give you some inkling. All you need is two cell phones, a hands-free ear piece and a crazy friend. The one wearing the ear piece is the remote controlee, the other the remote controller but you can take turns.

HOW TO PLAY:
1/ Call each other and establish a sign for "inaudible", such as scratching face or putting hand in pocket. The Controlee will use this sign.
2/ Controlee move away from controller, out of ear shot.
3/ Controlee make sure ear piece is not visible by hiding behind hair or scarf.
4/Controller start telling controlee what to do over the phone, so that controlee hears it through ear piece. For example Controller could say "go up to that woman with the big hat", "say excuse me", "say where can I get a drink", etc...
5/ Controlee must repeat everything Controller says, with intonation. If you can't hear, do the "inaudible" sign and controller will repeat.

TOP TIPS
1/ Resist the temptation to laugh, because the more convincing you are, the funnier it is. This is from first hand experience.
2/ If you happen to find someone to talk to who does not speak English, this is a bonus, particularly if the controller happnes to know the language bu the controlee does not. Then any hesitation due to the timelag of being told what to say before you say it will be simply attributed to the fact you are speaking another language, rather than that you are being remote controlled, creating a very natural conversation. It also gives the controller a real sense of control, as their words are being spoken by a remote body, who has no idea what he/she is saying. It really is like having a machine under your control, except it is a person who appears to the rest of the world to be autonomous.

I DID THIS
last Tuesday with much success.

NOTE
It was not my idea! I was just the crazy friend of someone who was very keen to try this experiment.

Intaxicate me with your glibido and hipatitis

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's {2005} winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Fantastic Failures Folder

Some people think it is terrible to fail. Others seem to think it is just fine, even an asset or a bonus. I firmly believe with the latter. And I am not just saying that because I have done it a lot and need to justify it. I really honestly believe it. Firstly, provided someone doesn't lose their limbs, their senses or a child as a result, I would generally rather hear about people's failures than their successes--they tend to be far more comical and to provide a higher learning curve. And I love the story I heard a couple of nights ago from a friend who is officially one of the smartest people in the world (if you take his field, and his job title into account), and yet still revels in his failures. The way he deals with them is to take each rejection letter and place it in a FFF (Fantastic Failures Folder). The beauty of this is that as soon as he sees how fat that folder is already, the pain of the small drop in the ocean that is the specific, current failure he is focusing on, gets significantly diminished.

Why is sun so great?

Because I began this whole blogging thing in the dead of a nasty winter, it's only fair to mention that summer has come to Massachusetts and it is wonderful wonderful wonderful. Why why why does it make such a huge difference? Living in this climate, I veer from a borderline suicide case, holed up in the apartment in front of the TV or internet wrapped in a sleeping bag, to a thing of pure joy, flitting from BBQ to football game to beach, within a week. One moment life is a long dull struggle, the next its exploding with fabulous possibilities. You would think we could somehow train ourselves to cope with the extremes (since they should not be a surprise)--shouldn't the joy of summer (or end of winter) wear off with the years? And shouldn't we come up with strategies to fight the nastiness of winter? But no, clearly the weather is more fundamental than the things I can control with my mind. Or maybe there's no magic. It just just literally be that it has an incredibly big effect on what I do with my time and the things I do in the summer are far more pleasant.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Taxation without representation

I'm not talking about DC. Or license plates. Apparently illegal immigrants in the US pay $7 billion dollars into social security, money which may never go towards helping them, but is a huge boon to this country's rapidly ageing population. Do we need more concrete proof that immigration can be a really good thing, not just for the immigrants? (In this case, particularly the illegal kind.)

Jeremy Jaynes

The world's first criminal prosecution of a spammer, that's prosecution purely for sending unsolicited mail, not by getting the spammers through some other loophole in the law, came into effect today when Jeremy Jaynes received the 9 year jail sentence he was recommended by a jury last year. Is it too much time for a spammer? They are annoying, but I am not sure it should be a criminal offence. On the other hand Jon Praed, a civil lawyer who attended the Jaynes trial gave a thrillig, blow-by-blow account of it at the MIT spam(busters) conference in January 2005 and seemed to justify the jail sentence. I wrote this story about it. I seem to remember that Jaynes was making over a million dollars a year just from spamming.

Libertarian

What is a libertarian? Is it more democrat or republican? I am going to the Boston University Libertarian Society annual liberty conference tomorrow. That's a Saturday and a conference. It's all part of the American adventure...